Do’s and Don’ts: Asking Your Partner to Smoke with You for the First Time

One stopping factor for people who have never smoked before (or who do not smoke regularly) is that they have no one to smoke with. The stigma of cannabis is fading, but that doesn’t mean all uncertainty is eliminated when it comes to smoking the plant. But if you are curious, and looking to get your hands on the green, who better to experience it with than your partner?

Maybe one of you smokes cannabis and the other doesn’t, or you both do, or have before, but never together. Whatever your specific situation, we’re here to help you feel good about it all. If you are asking your partner to smoke with you for the first time, here are some do’s and don’ts.

Do: Be open with your communication

Communication can be the make or break of any relationship. Maybe this is something you do well in your relationship, maybe not. Here’s a chance to get better. If you want to smoke with your partner, broach the topic. Tell them this is what you want to do and why. Be direct, but don’t pressure or make them feel awkward. Something like: “Would you ever want to smoke with me sometime? I’d love to experience it with you.”

If they are immediately put off by the idea, back off. In time, maybe they’ll change their minds, but at least they know your intentions and what you want and are open to. If they seem hesitant but curious, keep talking. Let them see into your world and why you enjoy it. Bring them in by being communicative and inclusive.

Don’t: Pressure them into smoking with you

This may seem like a no-brainer, but the first time you have this conversation is important. It will set a precedent and dictate everything that is to follow. If they are unsure, and you try to convince or pressure them, get angry, annoyed, or anything negative, they will feel all of that, and it could turn them off forever.

Keep emotion out of it, listen well, and know that not everyone will want to or be open to using cannabis, just like not everyone likes to drink alcohol. Respect someone’s wishes. If you give them the space to think about it, and show them that they can trust you, maybe they’ll come around. This approach will only yield good results and it will build trust and intimacy between the two of you in the long run.

Do: Prepare yourself for a good smoke

This one is crucial. Do not smoke with your partner for the first time empty-handed, empty-headed, or scrambling to find things. You can wing your Sunday afternoon but do not wing this. Preparing yourself properly will depend on how you’re consuming your cannabis. Are you smoking flower? What are you using to smoke: a bowl? Bong? Vape pen? Are you eating cannabis-infused chocolates or cookies? Each one should be taken with its own considerations.

Another option is to have a grinder at the ready. You can grind up the flower, and either roll a joint, a blunt, or a spliff (if you are both okay with tobacco). Show your partner the proper way to roll one. Pre-rolls are also becoming increasingly popular where the joint comes rolled for you, saving you time and energy.

If this is your first time smoking with your partner, be conscious of quantity. Start with a low dose and go slow. You do not need to light the world, or your partner, on fire the first time you smoke. Smoking flower out of a bowl can be nice and intimate. A vape pen generates less smoke and is highly portable because it’s thin and discreet like a pen and can easily slide in and out your pocket. High CBD strains, because they are less psychoactive might be a nice option to start with to see how your partner responds.

Have plenty of water around. They may cough, or have dry mouth from smoking. Have yummy snacks available for you both to munch on during your smoke. Cookies, brownies, chips and salsa, candy like skittles or starburst can really make the taste buds pop and enhance your high.

Smoking cannabis is about experience. This is something you are helping to create for them, so be prepared for anything. You are sharing the effects of a fascinatingly complex plant for the first time. Cherish it.

Don’t: Be overbearing

We know it’s your first time smoking together, but try to relax. Let the effects of the plant work naturally and go with the flow. Be conscious of your partner’s needs, mood, and try to anticipate, but at the same time, do not suffocate them with a barrage of questions, or the constant need to check in.

Find a good balance and read the room. If they are fully engrossed as they watch Animal Planet, let them enjoy the new experience. If they seem tired and want to sleep, no need to keep the party going. If they seem to want to talk, engage them in conversation. If they seem fidgety or unsure, check in. While they should enjoy themselves how they want to, remember this is their first time, so they might want or need some guidance too.

Regardless of whether this is your first time, don’t dote on someone. No one wants to be treated like a child who can’t move or think for themselves. If they seem like they are one puff away from comatose, they’ve probably smoked too much. Go slow. Your tolerance is not their tolerance. If you want them to smoke with you again, it’s best to respect their limits and make everything as smooth as possible and that includes knowing when to check in, and knowing when to let things happen.

In honesty, being high shouldn’t require any different logic than not being high does, but it’s good to think about these things beforehand.

Do: Make them feel comfortable

You are their confidant, teammate, buddy, lover, guide. They are getting high with you, someone who can support them.

It’s best to choose a location you aren’t going to leave anytime soon. Choose somewhere comfortable, preferably the privacy of your own home, where you aren’t going to be interrupted or bothered. There’s always a chance, but It’s likely they aren’t going to want to go out into the world high.

Do you have two hours? Five? You’ll want to start slow of course, but knowing how much time you have will help you decide what to smoke and how much. One-on-one is best for first-timers unless you have a third party you both love and trust. But since this is your first time, make it special and intimate for the two of you.

Smoking cannabis can make our minds work in ways we never imagined. If you’re both having fun and feeling comfortable, chances are it can lead to sex. Maybe you find yourself cuddling on the couch together after an hour. Maybe you are seeing such a beautiful side of your partner you can’t keep your hands off them. Maybe you’re making out or giving each other soft, tender kisses. If you’re making them feel comfortable, they’ll open up more, you’ll both learn more about the other, and your relationship will see immediate positive effects.

Don’t: Be reckless or inconsiderate

That means no smoking and driving. Or smoking at work, or in preparation for it. Don’t antagonize anyone or cause trouble. Be especially cognizant of your surroundings and how your actions will affect those around you. When more cities like Los Angeles open their public consumption lounges, it’s good to consider these do’s and don’ts when that time comes.

Do: Connect

One of the most spectacular things about cannabis is its psychoactive element. Highs can be consistently the same, or your experiences can differ greatly from smoke to smoke. While alcohol is a social lubricant, cannabis can be seen by some as a wisdom lubricant. The plant can take your mind to places it’s never been before. You’ve thought about something the same way your entire life and then suddenly you seen an entirely different side of the equation.

Share these connections with your partner. Recount your first time smoking. Use the activity as a chance to go deeper, to put your beautifully complicated lives in slow motion so you can think about things from an entirely different plane.

Do: Introduce them to something new

That documentary about the planets you’ve been wanting to watch? The 500 piece puzzle that is collecting dust in the closet? Better yet, how about music? Play them music you know they like, but also music they don’t like, or they don’t think they like. What better time to expose them to newness than when their mind is open. Some excellent weed culture music could be:

• Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”

• David Bowie

• The Doors

• Janice Joplin

• Tame Impala

How about television and movies? Weeds, Friday, and Pineapple Express are all certain to bring on the giggles.

Smoking with your partner for the first time could be many things: awkward, scary, exposing. But it also has the potential to be remarkable. These do’s and don’ts are meant to act as a guide for first-timers and veterans alike. They may not all work for you. You may come up with some of your own.

The veteran can be a go-with-the-flow leader acting only on intuition, or they can be analytical, knowledgeable about every aspect of the experience: location, apparatus, form of cannabis. You may pitch an experience over the illusion of what getting high will be like.

Gone are the days of getting high in the back of your car parked in some dark alleyway. In many states cannabis is no longer illegal (here’s a list of which states have legalized). People are recognizing and putting aside old stigmas and embracing newer technologies.

Whether you’re going deep, and coming up with the solution to world peace, or you’re loopy, lucid, and laughing, have fun with it. Your experience is all what you make of it. And there’s a whole wide world waiting to be discovered.

If you’re looking for your closest dispensary, here’s something to get you started.